The Way of Love in the Family
Section 1. God’s Laws of Love Centering on the Family Since the beginning of history, who has practiced true love focused on par- ents, true love focused on husband and wife, and true love focused on brothers
and sisters? True love is absolute. (20-40, 1968.3.31)
The love of God is expressed as parental love, conjugal love and children’s love. These three great loves make it possible for human beings to exist forever. These great loves transcend even the loftiest human view of love. When these loves are perfected, happiness is perfected. When they are lacking, misfortune sets in. This is why people become happy when these three great loves unite. Is a motherless person happy? That person’s misery is equal to the emptiness he or she feels. Is a fatherless person happy? A fatherless person envies those who have a father. Happiness leaves no room for envy. The same is true for love. If you envy someone or something, you cannot say you are happy. You cannot be happy without a father and mother. No matter how great a man’s ideals may be or how much he boasts, he needs a woman. He needs a wife. When a husband and wife have lived happily together and then the husband suddenly passes away, the wife will shed tears. A woman cannot live without a man, and a man cannot live without a woman. (20-38, 1968.3.31)
Also, no matter how happy a husband and wife may be together, they will be miserable without children. Do you need only sons? You need both sons and daughters. But what if the parents have only one son and one daughter? A son needs an elder sister and an elder brother, and a daughter needs an elder brother and an elder sister. Furthermore, they each need a younger brother and a younger sister. Everyone needs elder and younger siblings, and without any one of them, the individual would be unhappy. A family wherein the younger sister, younger brother, elder sister and elder brother are all united will be protected by God. This is because such a family becomes the origin of a clan, a people and a nation. My father, mother, elder brother, elder sister, younger brother, younger sister and me total seven people. This underlies the significance of the number seven as the number of perfection. You should know that I am talking here about perfection in reference to love. Why is seven the number of perfection? Why is it that the creation of heaven and earth taught by Christianity was completed based on the number seven? It is because of this. It is said that three is the number of heaven and four is the number of earth. The number three is established by my father, mother and me. Then what does the number four refer to? It refers to brothers and sisters. (20-40, 1968.3.31)
You should know that seven is the number of perfection. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit refer to Adam and Eve with God at their center. The Father refers to the connection of top and bottom – that is, the vertical relationship – and parental love represents heaven and earth. Your elder brother and elder sister refer to east and west, and your younger brother and younger sister refer to north and south. When these unite, a threedimensional relationship is formed. This is the law of love. That is why there is no law of science that does not adhere to these mathematical principles. It is from God’s laws of love that the fundamental concepts of the Principle of Creation arise. Once such laws of love are firmly established, peace will be realized. (20-40, 1968.3.31)
Section 2. The Reason Three Generations Must Coexist in the Family I am proposing that the grandfather, grandmother, mother-in-law, father-in- law, sisters-in-law and grandchildren all live together. Living together with God, the three generations of forma- tion, growth and completion will set- tle down. You can love God only when you know how to love your grandfather – not just your father and mother. You will love God only when you can love your grandfather more than your father and mother. So why is the husband indispensable? Why are parents indis- pensable? Why are sons and daughters indispensable? It is because only when you have all the members of the family can you attend God. The Principle says that you need to have parents and you need to have sons and daughters. You need parents, next, a married couple and then a baby. Why is all this necessary? It is only logical that we need parents, a spouse and children in order to form a
relationship with God. You should know clearly why you need parents, a spouse and children. You have to know this. To form a relationship with someone, sometimes I must go below the other person. Sometimes we’re in the center. Sometimes I must go above the other person, and sometimes we’re on the same level with each other. In other words, I must form relationships in all four directions. Even in the case of a grandson, when he relates to his grandfather with love, his grandfather will say, “Oh, good! Very good!” So the Unification Church has been working hard to make such families the standard, focusing on original love in order to establish the original world. It is amazing that this is finally being taught throughout the religious world. (128-17, 1983.5.29)
Why does a wife cry when her husband dies? Why do people weep just because they do not have children? They are not crying because they are disappointed. They are crying because the fundamental principle of the universe makes it necessary to have relationships in all directions – east, west, north and south. In other words, the force of existence in the universe consists of the force to support the ideal of reciprocation. This is why everything is engaged in give-and-take. Just as north and south interrelate with one another, the North Pole and South Pole interrelate with one another. Stars also interrelate with one another. Nothing can exist without a partner. Ideal beings united – that is, beings that have become completely one with each other – are supported by this universe. It is a principle that heavenly fortune embraces such entities so that they can continue forever. Everything cooperates in this giveand-take action. That is why you need sons and daughters. Today, the West has accepted the idea that sons and daughters are unnecessary, but let’s wait and see if that is right. You will find out in the spirit world. From where you stand, there is someone both above you and below you. You need the number three. You have to go through three stages. This is why everything comprises three stages. You need to have your parents, your couple and children. Not having children does not agree with the Principle of Heaven. When this is divided into two, there are three stages for men and three corresponding stages for women. By combining the two, an ideal world can be established with the unified number three. In other words, it is an ideal that includes grandfather and grandmother, father and mother, and me. The family ethic of the Unification Church stems from this belief. (70-76, 1974.2.8)
Section 3. Parents are the Origin of Love Orphans do not have a relationship with their parents. Everyone wants to be loved. The ideal manifestation of that love is parents. We can say that a person who can neither receive parental love from his parents even though he wants to, nor love his parents even though he wants to, is very miserable. Sup- pose there is a person who is much less attractive than some local orphan. Even so, as long as that person can serve and devote himself to his parents, he can feel very fortunate by comparison. He might think, “One may be handsome, yet if one does not even have parents, of what ben- efit is that?” He might also think, “I may be ugly and disabled, but at least I am fortunate to have a mother and father.”
(39-231, 1971.1.15)
What on earth are parents? Why can the strongest, most intelligent son in the world not ignore his parents, even if they are a burden? Why can he not control them with just one finger or do whatever he wants? You should know this. Since he is the strongest and most clever, he could say, “Hey, you!” and challenge them with his wits, but he cannot do that. Where is the origin of love? Where does love come from? From yourself? No. Love comes from parents. This is because the origin of love is not you, but your parents. There can be no result without a cause. So you know that when it comes to love, you are not the owner. So when you come before your parents, you should say, “Yes, Mother and Father, you are right.” When your parents remind you, “No matter how great your reputation is and how powerful you may be, you cannot do things that deviate from your duty to your mother and father,” you will reply, “Yes, yes, yes, Mother and Father, you are right.” Why? Because of love. It is because parents are the subject partners, and children are the object partners. The subject partner serves the object partner, and the object partner follows the subject partner. This is the Principle of Heaven. When this principle is breached, that house will collapse and end up worthless. However ignorant or uneducated a person may be, he knows the Principle of Heaven because he is born in accordance with heavenly nature. Therefore, even the strongest champion has to bow his head to his parents. (50-134, 1971.11.6)
Humankind continues to be plagued by conflicts based on power or knowledge. The time when the war of love can be waged has not yet come. This is why religious leaders say that their time will come when the end of the world approaches. When the end of the world comes, the power of the fist and the power of knowledge will pass away, and only the power of love will remain. The final age of worldly supremacy is none other than the Last Days. Can a strong elder brother come home and be the boss there? No. No matter how strong the elder brother may be, he cannot be the boss when he comes home. He may be a world champion in the ring, but he cannot be the boss at home. Even when an elder brother has several hundred doctorates, can he come home and be the boss? No, not even then. Why not? Because his parents are there. (50-134, 1971.11.6)
Section 4. The Reason We Need Brothers and Sisters Why do we have brothers and sisters? Why do we need brothers and sisters? It is because with brothers and sisters, boys can watch their younger sisters and elder sisters, and from them learn how their mothers grew up; and girls can watch their naughty elder brothers and younger brother, and from them learn how their fathers grew up. This is called the love of brothers and sis-
ters. So, you should love your siblings. Also, you should learn to love your siblings as you love your father and mother. You cannot love them if you don’t learn how. So, through watching your brothers and sisters you learn how your parents grew up and you come to love them as your parents do. In this way, you will be able to love your mother and father even after you go to the next world. You need your brothers and sisters in order to be an owner of love without shame. Then, would it be better for brothers and sisters to love each other more than their parents or less than their parents? It is better that they love one another more. Why is that so? Because watching and loving your siblings is like watching and loving your mother and father when they were growing up. When you do this, it fulfills the condition of loving your parents from their birth to their death. So these brothers and sisters are connected to each other through such love. That’s why I think this way. Then in the case of the parents, the more children they have, the more they can learn about their spouses. For example, in the case of the mother, as she sees her sons grow up she could think, “Oh, that is probably how my husband was when he was growing up.” So, loving the children is essentially the same as loving the husband the way he was before she met him. Also the husband could think, “Ah, my wife would have been like this daughter! She is showing me how her mother was when she was young,” and so he would learn from her. Through loving the children, he fulfills the condition of loving every aspect of his wife. The mother and father do not say, “Let us love only the boys and not the girls.” They love their sons and daughters equally, without discrimination. So by having sons and daughters, a beautiful circle of love in the family is formed. The mother and father will treat the children equally. All parents are like this. So hating your brother or sister is a greater sin than hating your mother. This is the first rule in family education. (184-60, 1988.11.13)
Suppose one day you leave the house after having a fight with your brothers or sisters. The least you can do upon your return is to hold a party so that you can make them happy again. Ask for their forgiveness and tell them that you should love one another as you love your parents. Since brothers and sisters represent your mother and father, if your brothers or sisters are poor, help them and serve them as you would serve your mother. There is nothing more beautiful than this. The Kingdom of Heaven starts from there. (184-65, 1988.11.13)
Section 5. The Grandfather is in the Position of God in the Family Today, the American system is a paradise for the young but not a para- dise for the elderly. Because the Ameri- can system is a paradise for young men and women – yet neither a paradise for children nor a paradise for grandfathers and grandmothers – everyone there is digging pits of hell that will lead them to ruin. This is happening because the American system does not fit the origi-
nal form. (107-328, 1980.6.8)
In American families, the grandfather has to telephone the son before visiting him. What do people generally prefer? What would you like? When a beautiful daughter-in-law, with a loving heart, tries to buy the gray haired grandparents something better than she buys her loving husband, how beautiful and lovely this is! Although the grandparents are full of wrinkles, what a splendid sight it is when a pretty daughter-in-law buys them things with even more joy than the joy she feels when she buys things for her beloved husband! Before long, the grandparents will give her everything they have kept hidden inside – everything to do with love. Who is the oldest grandfather in the world? It is God. So you learn love for that Grandfather from your own grandfather. By learning such a tradition, you can receive the treasure of love from all the secret storage rooms of the Grandfather God. How wonderful that will be! (107-328, 1980.6.8)
Representing God, a grandfather and grandmother are the most experienced in the world. They do not sleep very long because they are old. So you should think, “Oh, my grandfather is God who protects my family without sleeping! My grandfather has become old by protecting us! I can see his age by the wrinkles on his face.” This is a beautiful thought. If you have such an old grandfather and grandmother in your family, your house will not catch fire or be robbed. If the grandparents are not sleeping, what are they doing? They are praying. They pray, “Oh God, bless my sons and daughters. Please bless them.” While praying, they will guide you, saying, “Hey, So-and-So, it is dangerous to go out today. Please listen to me.” They will let you know, “Do not go out today!” “Do not fight!” “Son, do not go anywhere.” “Daughter and daughter-in-law, do not go far today.” So do you think the grandchildren need such grandparents or not? When they love each other, the grandmother and grandfather will dance, the mother and father will dance, and the brothers and sisters will dance together. Those who live using this as their model are protected by the universe. If someone were to try to kill such a person, the universe would automatically prevent it. (107-326, 1980.6.8)
Parents need to get permission from the grandfather before sending their grandson anywhere. Parents cannot simply do whatever they want. This is because the grandfather stands in the position of God. (107-326, 1980.6.8)
Section 6. The Relationship Between Grandparents and Grandchildren If a young grandchild comes home and asks in a bossy voice, “Hey, where did Grandpa and Grandma go?” how would you feel? Is it proper for him to demand, as soon as arrives, and in front of his mother and father and his brothers and sisters, to know, “Where are Grand- pa and Grandma?” This is improp- er because he is speaking in an impo- lite manner. Here the grandparents are now over eighty years old, and this little brat audaciously stands firm in front of his father and mother and elder broth- ers and elder sisters, who are superior to him, demanding to know, “Where have Grandpa and Grandma gone?” Would any of them be shocked and scold him saying, “Where are your manners?” Why do you think this happens? Normally, if someone did the same thing in another situation, you would scold him or her saying, “How can you treat Grandpa like this?” But if the grandchild stands firm and asks again, you will be pleased. You will reply, “Okay, okay, so you want to see your grandfather, do you?” When he asks where his grand- father is, is he asking for rice cakes or some food? What does he have on his mind? He misses his grandfather. So is it good or bad to miss him? It is a good thing!
All of heaven and earth misses him. He misses them too; and why is this? As he looks around at his elder brothers and sisters, he wants to sit on their laps. But as he looks at the situation and as he studies the mood of his elder brother, it is clear that his brother would push him away after he had sat on his lap for just a few minutes. Also, when he looks at his father who is very tired, he knows from experience that after he has sat in his father’s lap about ten minutes, his father would become irritated. He learns to sense such things quickly. But when it comes to his grandfather, or elderly people like his grandfather, he knows Grandpa will stay still even if he sits in his lap for an hour or two. Of all the family members, his grandfather will embrace him the most. It is not a bad thing to be embraced and touched by his grandfather who says, “Your nose is like this. Your ears are like that.” He is patted, caressed and touched all over, but he does not mind. How great that would be! How splendid this is! This is the same as the tip of a tree becoming one with the root. Then, if the main root and the main sprout come to like each other, what will happen? All the other roots and branches attached to the main ones will not be able to avoid liking one another. You should think about this. When the main sprout and main root like each other, that relationship can embrace everything! Who is the main root in the family? It is the grandson – the first grandson. So the grandfather always has his eyes on his eldest grandson. You should know this. (139-15, 1986.1.26)
Section 7. The True Meaning of the Saying, “All Goes Well if there is True Harmony in the Family.” In oriental teaching, there is a saying that goes, “All goes well if there is true harmony in the family.” This is a good saying. When we talk about a home, of course it has people at its heart. There are the grandparents, parents and chil- dren, but this is not all. The house itself is a microcosm of all creation. All things are gathered here. When we say, “my home,” we normally think of it as the place where my mother and father and wife and children are. But my home is not just this. There would also be my grandparents, and the house itself and the yard. The surrounding environment harmonizes well with this microcosm of
creation. This is essential for happiness. If grandparents are in an environment that is not harmonized, they do not feel good. The sight of a grandfather and grandmother laughing with each other cannot be compared to the noisy laughter of a young couple. The deep laughter of wrinkled grandparents is quite dignified. You may not know this, but all things come together in harmony through the grandfather and grandmother’s laughter as they harmonize with each other. The grandfather’s laughter is deep and hearty. When he gestures, his movements are slow, but broad, high, deep and large. Everything should be connected through the three stages of top, middle and bottom to bring about any harmony. That is why harmony does not come from a straight line linking two points on a horizontal level. That which goes through two points is called a line, and just two points cannot bring about the beauty of harmony. Would there be harmony when there is just a straight line? It has to curve and bend. So there can be harmony only when something goes through three points. So we have the grandfather, the father in the middle and then those who are underneath. Normally we think of a family as consisting of four generations. You have the grandfather and grandmother, father and mother, your own couple and then your sons and daughters. We have a saying that refers to serving both parents and grandparents. How many levels are there? There may be five generations in a family, but normally there are four – your grandfather, your father, your own couple and then your sons and daughters. With this in mind, the Unification Church Principle introduces the three stages of formation, growth and completion. This teaching deals with living in harmony and declares, “All goes well if there is harmony in the family.” Why is this? Is it because it sounds nice? Is it because someone wanted to be poetic? No. That is not the case. Harmony in the family means that four generations revolving around the grandparents unite – top and bottom, east and west, north and south, front and back, and left and right – and will live together in the joy of laughter. (139-12, 1986.1.26)