The Love of a True Husband and a True Wife
Section 1. The Original Relationship of Husband and Wife God exists in the dual characteristics of plus and minus. When this is mani- fested as a plus, it is Adam, and when it
is manifested as a minus, it is Eve. (32-238, 1970.7.19)
The one son and one daughter are a son and daughter who have appeared as substantial object partners of the invisible God. As substantial object partners, the man represents God’s plus characteristics, and the woman represents God’s minus characteristics. According to the principle of creation, the internal nature of God is divided into two characteristics. God harmonizes the two characteristics, and re-unites them in a form that resembles His original internal nature. Man and woman each resemble one characteristic of God when they are born. Hence, the union of one son and one daughter is the unification of God’s plus and minus characteristics. In other words, they become a harmonious being like God. For this reason, the two people, that is, the husband and the wife, are a union that represents the whole of God. The man becomes an incarnation of the true father’s body by representing God’s plus characteristics, and the woman becomes an incarnation of the true mother’s body by representing the minus characteristics. Each man or woman is also a representative of God. When a husband and wife become one through love, this is like embracing heaven and earth. This is an encounter on the universal level. Since the husband represents all men, he is a representative of the father and a representative of the elder brother at the same time as he is the husband; and since the wife represents all women, she is a representative of the mother and a representative of the elder sister at the same time as she is the wife. Thus, they cannot but love and respect each other. (9-83, 1960.4.16)
The man is the yang (plus) image of God, and the woman the yin (minus) image of God. The husband and wife together would be like wrapping heaven and earth in a wrapping cloth. Therefore, the husband and wife can feel God’s ideal heart of love. (13-67, 1963.10.17)
The man symbolizes heaven, and the woman symbolizes earth. The two must unite, forming harmony and parallel lines. (Blessed Family -868)
The relationship that is called husband and wife is not limited to itself. You should know that it represents heaven and earth. (Blessed Family -970)
The perfection of the love between a man and a woman is the perfection of the universe. If this love were to be shattered, the order of the universe would be destroyed and the vertical world would be utterly demolished. The loving embrace of a man and a woman itself serves as an occasion where the universe becomes one. This is how the original image is realized in God’s ideal. (Blessed Family -868)
It is because of love that human beings are born as men or women. Love can bear fruit when a man and woman become a husband and wife, thus becoming one. Since men and women are substantial manifestations of God’s love through dual characteristics, the separate substantial manifestations must find God’s love in order to unite as one. If they hope to encounter God’s love, the man and woman must become one in love. Otherwise, they cannot encounter God’s love. By encountering God’s love, we live on a level equal to God. This equal level means a position where we can stand next to God. (144-132, 1986.4.12)
When a husband and wife become one in God’s love on the foundation of becoming completely one in love, they can advance all the way to God’s position. As well as going up to God’s position, all that God owns comes to be my possession. The power of God’s love is so amazing. God allows them the authority of participation, and at the same time they come to inherit the entire ownership of God. (144-132, 1986.4.12)
Adam’s desire was to dominate heaven and earth. The value of husband and wife, which Adam embraced and loved, represented the central value of the world. (64-84, 1972.10.24)
We should clearly realize how holy and valuable the love is that emerges from the people created by God and who were untainted by the Fall, that is: original man and woman. (145-267, 1986.5.15)
Section 2. The Reason We Need Conjugal Love What kind of place do you think the Kingdom of Heaven is? In short, we can say that the Kingdom of Heaven is a place entered and inhabited by perfect- ed people. If the Kingdom of Heaven is a place inhabited by perfected people, who have true love, then what kind of people would those with true love be? Human beings are either men or women. When we consider how the perfection of God’s ideal love can be realized on earth, we reach the conclusion that it cannot be
realized apart from men and women. God’s love cannot be completed without perfected men and women who possess the ownership of love. (145-266, 1986.5.15)
True families must realize a family Kingdom of Heaven. The realization of a family Kingdom of Heaven will surely lead to the establishment of the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. Why is that so? If you want to be stimulated in your current position by the real feeling of the Kingdom of Heaven of the future, you absolutely need a partner, and as you receive that stimulation in your family through your partner, you can deeply learn the ideal of the future heavenly kingdom in what you feel in your daily life today. The husband and wife need each other in order to deeply learn this. This stimulation will enable the husband and wife to live eternally. Progress cannot move forward without stimulation. Conjugal love provides stimulation to build the ideal Kingdom of Heaven. In other words, conjugal love pulls the future joy into the realm of the present, gives stimulation, supplies the driving force, and brings them to that place. That love contains the love for the nation, love for the world, and God’s love. Thus, that love can pass freely anywhere. After all, only a husband and wife who love each other are able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This is why a married couple that loves each other on this earth with such a philosophy is always living in the heavenly kingdom. Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven is in your mind, didn’t he? But today the Unification Church says, “The Kingdom of Heaven is in your family.” If the Kingdom of Heaven is not realized in the family, the purpose of the Unification Church will not be fulfilled. But if it can be realized, that purpose will be fulfilled. From this point of view, you should find and walk the right path centering on the Principle. (37-7, 1970.12.22)
In the future, in order to realize the Kingdom of Heaven, just as a husband and wife love each other, a married man should be able to love all the women of the world with a heart with which he loves his own wife. You should think this way: “I have selected my wife as a representative partner from among all the women of the world.” Likewise, towards her husband, a woman should think of him not just as a husband, but also as a husband who has been selected as a representative from among all the men of the world. (Blessed Family -869)
Everyone, let me explain how women should behave. While loving one man, a woman should love him not only as one person, but also as a man representing all the men of the world. That man represents the father, the elder brother, and the husband. What does this mean? A woman should think of her husband as her father, her grandfather, as well as her elder brother and younger brother. Through such a connection, a woman should be able to love her father, her grandfather, her elder brother, and younger brother. Only such women can have a partner. If you were to like only your husband and dislike your father, grandfather, elder brother, younger brother, and everyone else, this would violate God’s commitment to the greater good. Therefore, what should you do? You should carry a heart that can love all men of the world, and have an outlook that your husband, as their representative, whom you embrace and love, is a man who is like a fruit of all these relations. If you have a heart that can love your partner as your parents, your elder brother, and younger brother, by transcending all nations and borders, you can be regarded as God’s son or daughter. This is the philosophy of the Unification Church. (83-219, 1976.2.8)
Section 3. An Ideal Conjugal Relationship A true husband is a person who says, “Since I am born for your sake, I will live for you and die for you.” It is the same with a true wife. If such a couple has a family where they are well suited to each other and live for each other’s sake, going beyond their own selves, this fam- ily will inevitably become an ideal fam- ily, a family of happiness, and a family of
peace. (77-106.1975.4.1)
No matter how capable and talented a man may be, the motivation of his birth does not lie in himself, because he is born for the sake of a woman. Without women, can men be born? Conversely, even if a woman puts on beautiful cosmetics and boasts of being an actress in America, she is not born for her own sake. Hence, a man should have broad shoulders and a woman should have broad hips so that they can fit together well. Therefore, where are the ideal husband and wife of true love? An ideal husband and wife appear when they serve each other, rather than their own selves, and when such hearts converge into one. This is an absolute fact. According to the Principle, if we ask where can we find ideal people or happy and good people, we cannot find them in a place where people try to live for their own sake, but in a place where they try to live for the sake of others. The husband should be able to give his life for his wife, and the wife should be able to give her life for her husband. Since such a couple will be connected to the realm of God’s love and receive direct protection, they won’t fall. (Blessed Family -880)
When a man loves his wife, he should love her more than any other man in the world loves her. Also, when a woman loves her husband, she should love him more than any other woman in the world loves him. This is an ethics of love to be followed by a husband and wife who have realized a true family. (Blessed Family -964)
True parents live and die for the sake of their children. This is because love is established there. Likewise, a wife and husband of true love, a happy wife and husband, can appear only when they live for each other’s sake and become one in love. This is an ideal married couple. (Blessed Family -880)
A bride and bridegroom should not become one through money, political power, or honor, but through God’s original love. (Blessed Family -880)
In conjugal relationships of the secular world, the wife receives energy from her husband when he makes money. She receives energy when she sees the money that he has made, and he receives energy when he sees her receiving energy. Yet if no more money is coming in, they become anxious and their married relationship may even break down. A true married couple should become one in love centering on God. (Blessed Family -880)
They should make gradual progress in their love. Through the wife loving her husband and the husband loving his wife, a couple should create a family that loves God. (Blessed Family -880)
People should love their spouse as God’s representative. If they love each other from a humanistic viewpoint, their shortcomings will be revealed and eventually they might even seek a divorce. (Blessed Family -880)
I have heard that nowadays when brides on Cheju Island receive crop fields at the time of their marriage, they register the fields under their own name, so that they can claim their ownership in case they divorce their husband. This is quite a strange couple, isn’t it? These brides distinguish between their own money and their husband’s money, and also when they have money in their hand, they claim crisp bills as their own and the wrinkled up bills as the man’s… This is not love. They should open up the money purse and use the money. When one asks, “What happened to the money?” the other says, “I have used it.” Whereupon the one responds, “You have put it to a good use. Use more; that’s good.” This is how it should be. But if you say in anger, with quivering lips, “Oh no, you have spent more money!” then you are in error. You will be happy when you are able to give without limit, and able to give and take at any time as you please, whether in a deep place, in a low place, whether by night or by day. Hence, you will be miserable if you are unable to give even if you want to give, and unable to receive even if you want to receive. (Blessed Family -880)
Section 4. Even God is Enraptured in the Love of a True Couple Each one of us, as an individual, has a mind and body in mutual conflict, and thus we should unite our body with our mind as the center, preparing a founda- tion of reciprocity in our mind, where
God can come and dwell. When such a man and woman receive the Blessing, sharing perfect love and delighting in joy, in God’s eyes this is like a flower that has blossomed on earth. Moreover, all the forms of harmony that unfold through their love are like a fragrance to God. God comes to them because He wants to live amid such beautiful flowers and fragrance. The foundation upon which God’s love can come is none other than the place of conjugal love. This is the place where all things and the universe harmonize. It is the Unification Church and its teaching that explains such ideas and the path to follow. (Blessed Family -887)
What melody does God like most? It is the sound of the laughter of an eternal married couple that like each other and rejoice. When such a couple can understand and embrace the world and live a life with a heart that can take in the entire universe, their laughter becomes natural. Isn’t the beautiful sight of such a man and a woman before God like a flower to Him? This is not a simple ideal or abstraction. I am only talking about the original world. (Blessed Family -887)
Looking at a mountain, a husband and wife may ask for whom the mountain has come into being, and also while thinking about the whole universe, they ask for whom has this universe been made? Then, they answer by saying that it is for me, and at the same time for you. This is what a married couple is like. Fulfilling the purpose of the birth of this universe and valuing the central purpose is the way through which a husband and wife can unite. The husband and wife talk to each other centering on heart, personal character, and love. The husband and wife go the same way. Even if a lady is a country bumpkin, what will happen if she marries a government minister? They go the same way. Although that country lady may only have an elementary school diploma, everyone will have to bow their heads to her as she is a minister’s wife. This is how a husband and wife go together. Between a husband and wife, is there a separate love for him, and a separate love for her? For them, love is both your love and my love at the same time. It is your love and my love. (Blessed Family -887)
True love is that with which you love with your entire bodies as one, and with your whole hearts and blood vessels as one. Who are the people who can love like this? It is a husband and wife. If there were no husbands and wives in the world, would life have any appeal? (26-151, 1969.10.25)
When you look at the conversation of a loving couple, their words are more beautiful than any poem or painting in the world. Moreover, how beautiful and splendid are the words, “just between two people in love,” and “just by ourselves,” and “just the two of us”! (Blessed Family -887)
These are all good, but what do you think is the best among them? There is no one but your partner. If I call my partner and say, “Hello!” she will answer in a corresponding manner, saying “Hi!” and if I call her saying, “Hey,” she will answer saying, “What?” If the husband calls his beloved wife, saying affectionately, “Honey!” she will answer affectionately, saying, “Hello, dear!” But if he speaks to her bluntly, she will answer in like manner, saying, “What’s the matter?” Just like the mountain echo, everything is reciprocal. (37-11, 1970.12.22)
When you look at the laughter of people intoxicated with love, they are also reciprocal. When a man laughs, he opens his eyes even bigger, and when a woman laughs, she gently closes her eyes. If the husband’s eyes get bigger and bigger, and the wife’s eyes get smaller and smaller, we can say that they are a happy couple intoxicated with love. (Blessed Family -887)
Section 5. The More a Husband and Wife See Each Other, the More They Want to See Each Other When do a man and woman feel happy? We can say they feel happy when
they become partners and share love. If a man were to relate to a woman by swinging his fist or using physical force, this couple would never be able to attain happiness. When the man embraces and protects the woman with his strength and loves her, she will be able to feel true happiness. The love between a man and woman does not work just with strength or just within the mind. The woman will be able to experience a real feeling of happiness when the man confirms his loving heart with his strength, and when she returns love to him with her body and mind. They will be a truly happy husband and wife. (Blessed Family -887)
A person always needs stimulation. Happiness does not come without stimulation. So stimulation is necessary. Just as daily meals taste good and fresh only when you are hungry each time you eat, the love between husband and wife should be always new and fresh. The more the wife and husband see each other, the more they should desire to see each other and long to be together all day. (23-57, 1969.5.11)
Love has value when two people long for each other. In asking for love, if you have a mouth, you should open it, and if you have eyes, you should open them. Only then, will the giver of love be happy. If you just remained dumb, love would run away on its way to you. You should know this. How offended you would be if your lover were not serious and behaved halfheartedly! Do you like to be together with or separated from your beloved? The closer you are to each other, the better. Why is this so? It is because everything works together. (Blessed Family -887)
What is the thing you like the most? Is it food? If you see some food when you are hungry, you will eat it with joy, but this pleasure is temporary. If someone gives you food, even after you have become full, you will not like it. But this is not true with the one you love. Is there anyone who says of his lover, “I want to forget her. I don’t like her.” Even if you have seen her over and over again, you want to see her yet again and again. Isn’t this right? You want to see her again, even if you have seen her, and you want to see her yet again, even after you have seen her again. This way, you first stand one in front of the other, and alternate until you turn like a wheel of a cart. Unification takes place here. (37-11, 1970.12.22)
A wife who knows love sometimes gets an impulse to bury her head in her husband’s bosom and enjoy an afternoon nap. This is because she is drunk with happiness and doesn’t have a clear mind. Before marriage the man appeared to her as scary and strange. After the marriage, she misses him and has to see him many times in a day. This is how women’s hearts change. So sometimes she calls him and asks him to come home during the lunch hour for a quick visit. It is the same with a man who has come to know love. Whenever he has a chance, he will want to sleep with his wife’s knees as a pillow. So he will run home whenever he has free time, regardless of whether it is lunchtime or a coffee break. Also, if she wants certain things done, he will not hesitate to do things he didn’t like doing before marriage, things about which he used to say, “Such things are a woman’s job. Should a mighty man do it?” I would say that such changes commonly occur to men and women who have come to know love. (Blessed Family -887)
When God created human beings and blessed them, He did so in such a way that the husband and wife would be happy. A husband and wife who have opened and entered such a gate of blessing are lost in whispering to each other. They only say sweet things that praise each other. For instance, “I have been waiting like this in order to meet you. My life will reveal its value like a flower through you. I was born in order to love you, and I have been waiting for this day.” There would be nothing in the world that is as sweet as secret words of love. The secret words whispered by a husband and wife, even when together in bed, will be a refreshment to dissolve all the fatigue and hatred of the world. (Blessed Family -887)
Section 6. How Conjugal Love Develops When a man and woman meet through the mediation of God, how do they express their love? When you look at the process of the development of love, the first is the lips, the second is the breasts, and the third is the sexual organ. It is the lips that a woman, when she first meets a man, feels shy about and hides before starting to love him. This is why she covers her lips with her hand. It
is because love starts with kissing. When love matures, sons and daughters are born as its fruit. For a woman, her sexual organ is the holy place of love, and the key to open that gate is held only by her husband. If a husband has two or more keys to a woman’s holy place of love, he is Satan. Also, if the wife’s holy place could be opened by any key, when it is supposed to be opened only by the key held by her husband, she is also Satan. When the key of love held by the husband opens his wife’s holy place and enters there, the most precious sons and daughters in the world will be born. The value of sons and daughters is such that they are an encapsulation of love, not exchangeable for anything in the world. Through sons and daughters, parents will experience the heart by which God created the first human ancestors, Adam and Eve. This is why the parents rejoice when they look at their children, singing out, “You are my love, whether I look at you this way or look at you that way.” No matter what your baby does, who is born through love, you do not hate him but simply love him. This is because he is part of your body, made of your own blood and flesh and your love. Whether he pees, takes a poop, or has a runny nose, he is simply cute and lovely. It is because love is dissolved into such things. (Blessed Family -894)
In the relationship of husband and wife, if their love is joined through a strong force, they must be joyful and feel their partner is lovely, no matter what that partner does. If the wife says that she hates the smell coming from her husband’s body or if the husband thinks or feels that he hates the way his wife moves, this is only because a perfect love has not been realized between them. This married couple only joined together for some superficial purpose or interest. (Blessed Family -887)
In your family life during marriage, in order to feel true joy, you should bring God into the center and make a relationship where you can love each other while watching God rejoicing together with you. A man and a woman getting married and making love is not something you should be ashamed of. This is something most dignified, holy, and beautiful. However, since the first human ancestors violated God’s commandment, the history of love has been a sinful one and has been flowing in a shameful direction. (Blessed Family -887)
Did anyone watch Adam and Eve dancing naked in the Garden of Eden? So, when there is no one else around, you can do such things. When a husband and wife dance naked in the room, is this something to worry about? But if they do this in front of others, they deserve censure from society. But if done just between a husband and wife, who will care if they dance naked or what else they do? So blessed couples, you can go ahead and dance naked. What does it matter when a husband and wife do it just between themselves? (21-236, 1968.11.24)
You should think that although there are many men and women in the world, there are only the two of you. You should devote yourself completely to this one woman, with the thought that she is devoted to you. This is the Principle. (Blessed Family -887)
True happiness can be found in a place where you laugh, sing, and whisper together with your spouse, both of you intoxicated with love. I would say that the one who listens to the whispered words from his beloved is a happy person. It is because having words of love whispered in your ear can give you feelings of happiness, as if you were dreaming. (Blessed Family -366)
Section 7. Why You Feel Sad When Your Beloved Passes Away Why does a woman cry when she los- es her husband? It is not for some vague reason that she is sad after losing her
husband. Love embraces all four directions. At the same time, there has to be relations of front and back, and left and right. Because love is like this, the husband stands next to his wife in a relationship of left and right, and realizes a love that embraces the four directions. When such a wife loses her husband and falls from the position of being supported by the universe into a position of having no support, she feels the pain of his loss, as well as the pressure from the universal power. (Blessed Family -901)
Why do you feel good when you see your beloved wife? When you are alone, you cannot stand in the position in which you are supported by the spherical four directions of the universe. But with your spouse, you make a horizontal love relationship where you have give and take with her and establish a position where you can contact the vertical power of the universe. Thus, the one who has a spouse becomes infinitely happy through the supportive power of the universe. This is why when you see your beloved wife, your entire mind becomes focused and you cannot see anything but her. So you dance and sing with her, spinning round together. Why do you dance, sing and rejoice? To expand the realm of support. (Blessed Family -901)
Many people oppose Rev. Moon, the man who goes to America to educate and train American young people, even staying up all night and sometimes dancing, singing, and having fun with them? I do this in order to expand the realm of support that is connected to me. Because the expansion of the universal realm of support starts with me, I push forward without fear, even if I am opposed and have to go to prison. No matter how much you sing joyfully and say this and that, do you like to live alone? When one partner of a married couple dies, the other grieves and weeps. Do you think a person can prepare his own path? Why do we say that a person is miserable if he is without a spouse? It is because he cannot experience the occasion in which heaven and earth can rejoice. He has deviated from the regulation of the law of heaven and earth. Clearly, only through universal law does the fortune of heaven and earth turn, and are the requirements of happiness and its motivation determined. He is sad because he has drifted far from the law, and within the law of heaven and earth there is no room for such sorrow. What does it mean if you are happy and joyful? It means that there is a place where you are welcomed by the world. Sorrow indicates a place where you don’t belong. This is how joy and sorrow part ways. (19-334, 1968.3.29)
When one of the partners of a married couple dies, the other cries. This is because when the remaining partner falls into the position of having failed the universal law, the universal power pushes him out and his sorrow increases. Then, what makes you happy? If you become someone who conforms to the universal law, the universal power embraces him. The greater the power, the stronger it comes to embrace him. And the stronger it embraces him, the further he enters the internal center that brings joy. So, where do sorrow and joy separate? They do not separate within you. They separate based on the principle of power, that is, the universal law. Then, what is the universal law? It is a man and a woman from beginning to end in total oneness, and also this is the way of the heavenly fortune. You aren’t suppose to go alone, but as a united man and woman, that is, a husband and wife who are one heart in walking the path. Everyone, have you ever heard words like these? So those who fight, cry and scream, and create a big commotion will be quickly removed. They will be considered a failure and not a success in the realm of the universal law. Then where do they go? They will go to the garbage can. Their mind knows this, and this is why it instantly feels sorrow. (24-223, 1969.8.17)
Section 8. Conjugal Love Should Be Eternal If someone asks a loving husband and wife how long they will be in love, and one of them says, “Just while we are young,” would the other feel good or bad? For how long do you want to be in love? Eternally, but first of all until you die, and then you will want to love eternally. Eternity is something that represents the whole in the future. To say that one will love until death is to say that he will love by giving every- thing he has. Isn’t this right? “Eternal- ly” means the whole, and “until death” means an intention to love the whole thing. Only then will your spouse be happy. These young women here, when they get married, they are sure to ask their husband, “Do you love me?” When their husbands say they do, they will then ask them, “Do you love me com- pletely?” The husbands will have to say they totally love them in order to make
them happy. This is the same with men. They cannot do anything about it. This is how things are in God’s harmony. (37-23, 1970.12.22)
When people get married, they say they will love each other until they die. In saying this, one can either just say, “I will love you until I die (Juk-dorok sarang-handa)” or draw out the first word, “Ju-u-u-u-u-k…” for ten years, a hundred years, or a hundred million years, and then say the rest, “…dorok sarang-handa.” Which would you like better? Would you rather just hear it simply as, “Juk-dorok sarang-handa”? The young women here, how about some answers? You would be happier if your spouse says, “Ju-u-u-u-u-k” for say, a hundred million years, and then “dorok sarang-handa” than if he just said, “Jukdorok sarang-handa.” The more drawn out it is, the better. If a husband meets his wife and says, “Ju-u-u-u-u-k,” and ten years later, he says again, “Ju-u-u-uu-k,” and then says “Juk-dorok saranghanda” after he passes over the age of fifty. If only he can do it, she will say she loves him beyond measure. This is how it is. She will like him, even if he has a big belly and waddles when he walks. (37-25, 1970.12.22)
What kind of people are true wives and true husbands? When people mature, they have a family. Taking their spouse as an eternal partner of love, they should form a family of love where their initial love grows as the days go by. When that love at the family level expands to form a tribe, these tribal members will be eternal embodiments of love, which can expand love eternally. Such a husband and wife will be a true married couple and a true husband and true wife. Also, such a husband and wife will be able to participate in God’s love. (Blessed Family -880)
In the eyes of the wife, her husband has to look the best and be number one. Also, in the eyes of the husband, his wife has to look this way as well. The best relationship is the one that is formed during first love. It is the best, no matter what others say. This cannot be bought at any price. If you can have such a world for eternity, how splendid this is! Everyone should at least reach that level. The wife should follow and serve her husband well. Such things should not appear just in literature or just as a movie scene. Rather, you should live like that throughout your whole life. Since the best history and best culture had been turned upside down, I have been creating a new history in order to establish such a world and to live in such a way. (23-56, 1969.5.11)
What kind of couple are the ideal husband and wife we speak about in the Unification Church. They are a married couple who can turn the highest art into reality. They are a couple who can turn the highest literature into reality. Before we come into contact with the highest level of art in the world, the highest and sweetest love shared by the husband and wife has to be the best work of art in the world. It has to be the best work of literature and the real body of literature. (22-269, 1969.5.4)